The 20/10 Test

One of the exercises for "meaning" in Pink's A Whole New Mind is asking yourself the question if I had $20 million and/or 10 years to live, would I continue doing what I am doing today? It's an interesting question. I'd been thinking with the whole cancer scare of how i would change my life if I found out the test was positive - what things I would do differently. Would I move to be closer to family? Would I drop everything and travel around the world? Would I quit my job? Maybe I should keep it for the health insurance? and on and on.

Ten years, though, is long enough that it takes away some of the devil-may-care attitude that creeps in with a shorter time frame. After all, if I ran up a huge credit card bill before I died in 6 mos, would it really matter? But ten years is another story entirely. The stress of racking up huge amounts of debt would certainly outweigh the advantages. I don't think I'll be running off to the ends of the earth anytime soon.

Ten years would be plenty of time to pursue another career. I think I have decided on the Master of Library Science.  I am waiting on the arrival of a few books I found on the field and career and I have sent an email off to the MLS program at USF. Then I plan to take the introductory course this summer and perhaps another in the fall to decide for sure before jumping in with both feet.

And I do plan to jump in full-steam. Scary as that feels, the one thing I've always regretted about my experiences at American was that because I was always juggling school with working full-time, I never felt like I got the full school experience. Work was my priority and school was more of a sideline entertainment in many respects as a result.  (I often wonder how different my life would've been in that case - I would certainly have been much more connected in with my classmates and more likely to have pursued full-time work in that field, I think.)  Instead I can focus on classes and finish much faster. Plus by January, I should have all my extraneous debt paid off except for mortgage (and school which I could defer while in school). I think I can manage mortgage and living expenses with something part-time.

So all of this - actually having an end in sight - and not just an end but an end that I really want - has put me in a much happier frame of mind. Plus I recently moved from my office (I will post that story here soon; life in the trailer is never boring) to one of the cubes - which sounds like a change for the worse but really isn't! The office is small, cramped and somewhat isolated while the cube is wide open with windows that open and lots of light - plus I get so much more interaction with people.  It's been so amazing what a difference that change has made - I am actually looking forward to going to work! I feel like myself again and it seems like years since I can remember feeling this way.

old office


new "cube"

It reminds me of a few years ago when Mom & I were talking and realized what a difference low-blood sugar can have on your whole outlook on life. It seems silly that such a small, physical factor like whether you've eaten lately or been sitting in a small, dark office could affect mood to such a big extent but I am convinced that it is truly a factor. It makes me wonder just how many things we think are these epic psychological problems might really just be some mundane thing like whether you're getting enough exercise or the right kind of food.

NOTE TO SELF

If ever scheduled to be on Court TV, make sure to touch up roots.

I just caught a few minutes of divorce court on in the break room and I couldn't tear my eyes away, mostly because the woman had roots that were about 2" long...but not in a trendy way.  Do they not know beforehand that they will be on TV? Even if you didn't know that, wouldn't you want to look good before seeing your soon-to-be-ex anyway? Maybe this was all part of her plan to look pitiful - I didn't stick around long enough to get the story.

Careers

After (or occasionally instead of) sleep, work occupies the most significant portion of my day. From 9:00 in the morning until 6 or 7 at night, I spend five days out of every seven at work. Not only does it occupy the time I actually spend at work, there is also the time spent commuting back and forth (at minimum another hour per day) plus the "recovery time" necessary each night.  The only time I feel is my own is the two precious days each weekend and I have become a miser, jealously guarding each moment of free time, even to the exclusion of time I could be spending with beloved friends and family.

So a while back I began exploring other jobs, thinking that perhaps this was all just the immediate unhappiness caused by the current work environment. But after talking with recruiters and exploring available marketing jobs out there, it has become evident to me that I do not want to work in marketing. Friends have suggested marketing in another sector - such as for a cause I believe in - but despite the fact that my experience fits me for a job in marketing, the thought of spending more time thinking of analyzing markets and figuring out how best to manipulate others into certain behaviors just does not appeal.

Which leaves me back at square one. What do I then want to do with my life? Is there some career that will engage my interest for more than a few years? That will leave me at the end of the day feeling fulfilled? Do I even have the right to expect that from work? Is this just some 21st century quandary without basis? After all, how many thousands of years did people do what their parents did before them with the sole goal of providing food & shelter for themselves and their families?

Last weekend I spent a good deal of time listening to two different lecture series that I had downloaded via audible: one on the anglo-saxon era of English history and the other on fantasy literature. Combined with my recent exploration of the anthropology of religion as well as forays into how the brain works, I came to the realization that the one consistent thing I love most - that I never tire of - is learning. Sometimes I don't even think it matters what - which is how I keep ending up in jobs and careers that seem to have no connection to each other or to my skills. I am forever attracted to learning about something I did not know before. Unfortunately, with most things the drawback is that with most things I feel as though I come to the end of them  and want to move on.

I am currently infatuated with the notion of going back to school. History and Literature are the two subjects I find most intriguing but even there, I have trouble imagining confining myself to a specific slice of them to specialize in if I am to make a career from either. Or maybe a degree in library science is the way to go. That would encompass books, learning and literature in addition to my love of organization and looking things up! Not to mention that USF has a good program - most of which is online - so I could try it out without making too drastic of a switch. I really think that might be the right place to start. I could take the initial course this summer and see where it leads.