One of the exercises for "meaning" in Pink's A Whole New Mind is asking yourself the question if I had $20 million and/or 10 years to live, would I continue doing what I am doing today? It's an interesting question. I'd been thinking with the whole cancer scare of how i would change my life if I found out the test was positive - what things I would do differently. Would I move to be closer to family? Would I drop everything and travel around the world? Would I quit my job? Maybe I should keep it for the health insurance? and on and on.
Ten years, though, is long enough that it takes away some of the devil-may-care attitude that creeps in with a shorter time frame. After all, if I ran up a huge credit card bill before I died in 6 mos, would it really matter? But ten years is another story entirely. The stress of racking up huge amounts of debt would certainly outweigh the advantages. I don't think I'll be running off to the ends of the earth anytime soon.
Ten years would be plenty of time to pursue another career. I think I have decided on the Master of Library Science. I am waiting on the arrival of a few books I found on the field and career and I have sent an email off to the MLS program at USF. Then I plan to take the introductory course this summer and perhaps another in the fall to decide for sure before jumping in with both feet.
And I do plan to jump in full-steam. Scary as that feels, the one thing I've always regretted about my experiences at American was that because I was always juggling school with working full-time, I never felt like I got the full school experience. Work was my priority and school was more of a sideline entertainment in many respects as a result. (I often wonder how different my life would've been in that case - I would certainly have been much more connected in with my classmates and more likely to have pursued full-time work in that field, I think.) Instead I can focus on classes and finish much faster. Plus by January, I should have all my extraneous debt paid off except for mortgage (and school which I could defer while in school). I think I can manage mortgage and living expenses with something part-time.
So all of this - actually having an end in sight - and not just an end but an end that I really want - has put me in a much happier frame of mind. Plus I recently moved from my office (I will post that story here soon; life in the trailer is never boring) to one of the cubes - which sounds like a change for the worse but really isn't! The office is small, cramped and somewhat isolated while the cube is wide open with windows that open and lots of light - plus I get so much more interaction with people. It's been so amazing what a difference that change has made - I am actually looking forward to going to work! I feel like myself again and it seems like years since I can remember feeling this way.
It reminds me of a few years ago when Mom & I were talking and realized what a difference low-blood sugar can have on your whole outlook on life. It seems silly that such a small, physical factor like whether you've eaten lately or been sitting in a small, dark office could affect mood to such a big extent but I am convinced that it is truly a factor. It makes me wonder just how many things we think are these epic psychological problems might really just be some mundane thing like whether you're getting enough exercise or the right kind of food.
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