If there is no God, what existed before? How did life come into being ex nihilo? Despite the difficulty in wrapping my mind around an eternal being who always existed, it is even more difficult to imagine nothingness and then suddenly something. Perhaps I've just had more practice believing the former and I will admit that I have an interest in coming to the conclusion that God exists.

Although maybe that too is a lie. In some ways life would be much easier if there were no God. It would then simply be a matter of making life as rich and meaningful as possible based solely on my own interests. And if there truly is no God, then it doesn't really matter if I do or do not continue to go to church, etc since the net result is ultimately the same and I have the advantage of a community & friendship either way. But that all just seems so....wrong.

I've been researching it online, since Dawkins did not really address the question in God Delusion and have not found anything that satisfactorily answers it for me. All admit that it is a good question...and then most seem to gloss right over it and assume that it happened ("we know that it happened because we exist" which seems like a complete tautology to me.)

Here are some of the better examples I could find:

Big Bang Theory
University of Wisconsin Physics Dept

What existed before the Big Bang?
by Alison Snyder, posted August 21st, 2006.

I have acquired a new book Kenneth R Miller's Finding Darwin's God: A Scientist's Search for Common Ground Between God and Evolution but it almost seems too soon for that. I have no issue with believing evolution; in fact, I suspect that this will go right along with my own theories with regard to how the world began. But I fear moving on to a theory that assumes God's existence without having first definitely proved that it is solid. It seems so precarious to all come down to one tenant - God exists because otherwise something would have come from nothing and that would be impossible.

richard dawkins' the god delusion

The time has come to write about a book that has certainly changed my life in the short-term and perhaps forever. It certainly feels that way at the moment and to say that determining how to react has been an obsession for me this last month would not be an overstatement.

For the first couple of chapters, I was quite unimpressed and found myself thinking that this book would be easily dismissed as the diatribes of a fanatic. Perhaps this lured me into a sense of false security but, for whatever reason, beginning with the third or fourth chapter, I found myself blind-sided with well-reasoned, compelling arguments that have forced me to re-examine my entire belief structure.I will admit that there have always been underlying doubts. What height of arrogance to imagine that a supreme being of this vast universe (over 100 billion billion visible solar systems as a friend of mine has pointed out) would take an interest in a single, solitary planet and more than that, a single solitary human being such as myself. Even assuming that God exists, how can we really know that we have the correct version of worship. Who is to say whether it is Christianity, Islam, or Hinduism that is correct? I admit, my first instinct is to think "But isn't is more practical to continue to ascribe to Christianity since if it is true, it is the only way to avoid eternal damnation and if it is false, it won't matter anyway." Somehow I doubt that a "safety net" belief system would count for much in the final analysis. Besides, without that belief at the core, I cannot go back to that innocent faith anyway. I must figure out what I believe because until I do, everything feels like a lie.

new floors

Pictures of the new floors. They are absolutely beautiful and still feel a little unreal to me. Completely changed the way the house looks.


Living Room

Bedroom

Kitchen too!

(See below for "before" pics)

i (heart) words

I confess to having a secret love affairs with words. Etymology, nuance & subtext, history and music are all contained in a simple combination of syllables and sounds. Even in everyday conversations, the words selected reveal so much more than a literal reading of them would suggest. I think that this is why I love to study new languages for often the history of a people is embedded in the development of the vocabulary.

Not only do people use language to communicate with one another, thereby creating community but also to exclude outsiders. One of the first things that seems to happen within a group of people living/working closely is that they begin to use code words and shortcuts, seemingly to make communication more efficient. Subconsciously it is to create an exclusivity, to define the parameters of their world so that new entrants must take the time to learn their language before gaining admittance.

All of this has been sparked by my discovery of a website/email call World Wide Words. The author, Michael Quinion, writes each week about topical words, weird words, words becoming obsolescent and, my favorite, a section titled sic in which subscribers contribute examples of words used incorrectly or in a way that communicates things the author did not intend. (E.g., "An Associated Press news item dated 3 October surprised Norman C Berns: "Sampson said fossils of duck-billed dinosaurs once lived throughout the northwestern part of North America." Mr Berns now feels there's more to evolution than he ever imagined.")

Through language you shall know your culture.

I'm getting new floors!!

When I first was looking at my house with the realtor back in 2004, I remember commenting to her that one of the first things I would do, were I to buy this house, would be to replace the floors. However, upon moving in, the myriad of new homeowner expenses that inevitably overwhelm one did just that and I put off the floors until later. (Besides, there were more pressing decorating challenges to overcome, such as the mirrors on the LOWER half of the dining area wall and the horrendous wallpaper everywhere...not to mention swinging saloon-style doors separating the kitchen from the dining room!)

Over the years I've been trying different methods of "living with" my current floors. My most brilliant idea was to *paint* the horrid vinyl tiles in the bathrooms & kitchen with garage floor paint. Worked great the first time but didn't stand up to mopping very well. So I re-painted. BAD idea. Either there was more than one coat of paint now or maybe it was just too humid the day that I re-painted but in any case, the floors are now sticky and the thing that sticks most is dirt. Ugh. And no matter what I've tried, that dirt is embedded into the paint permanently. I realized that things had gone too far when I stopped inviting people over because I was so embarrassed for them to see my floors! (Shallow I know).

So now I have bitten the bullet. The house has been measured, the new flooring has been ordered and it just remains to get it installed. (Logistics on this look like they will be challenging to say the least). I am getting porcelain tile for the 2 bathrooms and pecan hardwood everywhere else. Originally intended to go for bamboo because it seemed so much more environmentally-friendly but after further research, decided that pecan would be a better choice. Unlike the bamboo, it is domestically produced and is certified (whereas bamboo is typically imported with questionable labor practices so say the least). Also, from what I've read, it scratches more easily and having a German Shepherd, it just didn't seem practical.

So now I'm trying to get all the painting finished up (re-painting the living room and painting my bedroom for the first time) before they come to install. Hopefully that will be first of November although they have promised me that it would be done by Thanksgiving.

rooftop garden

OK, so I really, really hate to clean the gutters...but this is ridiculous! The situation has been compounded by the size of the porch roof (can't get the stuff stuck in the middle from the sides) and the fact that the porch is not really sturdy enough to hold a full-size human.


After taking this photo, I did manage to uproot some of the larger plants that were closest to the roof-side. It actually makes a pretty nice place to start new plants. I was able to transplant some of the specimens to the yard and so far, they are doing quite well. Now if only I can figure out a way to make it a little more accessible!

Suggestions I've received:

• Use a rake - the rakes that I have are too wide to fit between the channels. But I do plan to try to find a narrower one this weekend. This is plan A.
  
• Get a high-powered pressure washer - this is probably the most practical suggestion. However, it involves the hassle of renting the equipment and then climbing onto the main roof. This option scares me a little.
• Embrace it - consider it a benefit and use it until the weight and/or the TREE growing there brings the whole thing crashing down

backyard spider

For weeks I've been wondering what kind of spider it is that has moved in over the compost heap and so this weekend I've spent several hours scouring spider images to find a match. And when I say hours, I am NOT exaggerating! I knew it must be some type of orb weaver but even looking up "common Florida spiders" did not turn up anything that resembled it more than slightly. It was particularly evident since this spider has an odd body shape - very conical - which none of the spiders I was looking at seemed to have. (Although I was a little unsure b/c due to their position, I could never get a good look at them from the top).

Anyway, FINALLY discovered that what I have living all around my yard is the Leucauge venusta (aka "orchard spider"). Doesn't seem to be a whole lot of information out there on them but I must say that they are beautiful spiders. They are also fascinating to watch.

my favorite niece & nephew

Thought I'd try out blogging, just for myself right now. And since I can't think of anything else to put here, here's some pictures from my recent trip to Minneapolis helping my brother & family move there. Below, my niece Lilly & nephew James.

These pictures pretty accurately sum up their personalities.