so very hard to say goodbye

The past few weeks I've been struggling with a very hard decision. Shadow will be turning 13 on Monday. She's had arthritis in varying degrees for the last several years so this is not unexpected...but no matter how much I think I'm prepared for something like this, I am most decidedly NOT. It all started when she went to the groomers a few weeks ago and they couldn't finish because she was having too much trouble standing up. So I took her to the vet & got her started on an etogesic program to help alleviate some of the pain. The worst part has been that in every other aspect, she has not changed a bit - she still wants the frisbee thrown at every opportunity, she struggles to come out to greet me every night when I get home - which has made it that much harder to come to this decision.

At first the etogesic seemed to be helping a bit but I am wondering now if it has not made things worse. Most likely the pain was keeping her from doing too much. The last few days she seems to have been deteriorating rapidly in terms of her ability to walk and since last night, she doesn't seem to be able to put weight onto her hind legs at all. She still insists on moving around - following me from room to room but it is heart-wrenching to watch as she ends up crawling & dragging herself around. I have found a vet that makes housecalls so that she can go without the stress of a vet visit.